Isn’t that enough? 

One time he asked me “I love you, isn’t that enough?” 

I think in instinct I would’ve reacted the way I always would. 

“Of course! Love is all we need!” I think I recited the Beatles like The Bible. 

But that day was different. I’d had enough. I wasn’t mad, but I was too sad to move, to sad to cry.  

It hurt my pride when he asked. Like how dare he assume everything he did could just be shoveled under the bed, in the name of love! – please. But I was no angel either. 

But at least I saw us for what we were. Parasites feeding off eachother and constantly dragging eachother down to the brink of death. 

We swore we’d love eachother forever. But….we were kids? I mean really? What did anyone expect?  

But that day it all came crashing in. The lies were too much, the fight wasn’t worth it. 

“I love you, isn’t that enough?” 

“No. It’s not.” – Thats all I said. I didn’t explain how his guilt trips made me want to jump off a bridge, and lose sleep at night and vomit until I lost weight. I didn’t explain how, threatening me was a step across that line too far, I didnt tell him that him stalking me, controling my life, was too much for me. Like I was too paranoid to sleep. 

I didn’t know I was in a toxic relationship until I was drowning. 

Love never changed that you lied to me. And love never changed how depressed you made me. And love didnt change the suicide attempts or fix the bridges I burned. It didnt change the controlling or manipulative behavior. And it took me so long to realize it was okay to leave. 

“I love you, isn’t that enough?”

And I loved you too.

– Lemon Ghost


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