Some Past Days 

I remember wanting to sleep in my car. I remember wanting to sleep in your car. I remember thinking we might not have a better choice than to sleep in the car, at least there I was in your arms. 
I remember my hair being flaming red, and cool blue. Every paint tray shade falling softly in between. 

I remember crying and vomiting in bathroom stalls. Slitting my wrists in private corners. Hiding feelings. Faking smiles. Are secrets the same thing as lies?

I remember highschool; highschool boys, highschool girls, it wasnt a blur, and yet its a blur. And I tell myself I won’t forget. It was real. It was things that happened. But will it hold true?

I remember holding onto guys, like life jackets, because I was drowning in my own foggy haze. 

I remember swimming pools. Summer rays of light shining down, coloring my face. Glow on my skin, glow on my cheeks, insecurity hiding behind a ruby red swim suit, and maybe I look dressed like a grown up now? 

I remember punches being thrown, and I gave her a black eye. Principals were called, and I remember getting lucky, (and not really in a good way)

I remember 2am taco bell, 3am skinny dipping, 4am smokes and laughs, and 5am breakfast in bed at your house. Getting lucky (and this time actually in a good way) 

I have drowned in blue eyes, brown eyes, green eyes. Does that mean I’m a grown-up now? 

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