I am not in Love; A Poem


How could I be in love?

No I’m not in love because the love you speak of it doesn’t exist.

I love the feeling of my brain releasing chemical reactions and the spikes in my heart beat stomach roller coaster race when you pass by. I love the way adrenaline and dopamine hit my bloodstream like heroine, a Capri Sun packet held in an icebox dripping into my bloodstream. I’m addicted to the coccaine sweet sugar candy laced moon beams in his eyes, when his frosted fingertips melt against my Sun kissed skin.  I’ve brainwashed myself into believing a terrible lie. I watch the movies and I know this is love because ‘boy meets girl’. Because everything adds up. Like every soft spoken equation on Earth.
How could I be in love?
When in love is only a series of chemical reactions
I am a scientist
I analyze
And I know, I’m not in love no
I’m obsessed
I’m addicted to your soft scented cologne and the way my head feels cradled nestled against your arms. The pink tint of the car window falling so softly on your skin like a snowflake.  I’m addicted to a subtle rush, and goosebumps forming against my skin.
Sir I
I am not in love
But can i tell you that I am addicted to you in the sweetest most innocent of ways? The way your phone screen lights up and I know you hope it was me,how I secretly hope it was you. The way our fingers brush up against each other playfully. I am a wide eyed child the moment you step into the room, and you see through me like glass. You’re an addiction I can’t quite wrap my brain around; I can’t quite give up. You made me believe in the chemical matrix lie bigger than myself, jump head first off a burning bridge into cold deep water. This is more than sweet addiction.  This is a bad habit, I’m never giving up.

~Lemon Ghost


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